you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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