end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
