i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
