well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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