Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
