Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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