Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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