I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
