People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
