I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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