Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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