we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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