I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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