I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
