his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
