she was so not down for the gang bang
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
