The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
