She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
