Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
