I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
