It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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