We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
