She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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