My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
