Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
