the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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