Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
