What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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