I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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