there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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