I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
