I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
