why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
