So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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