i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
