Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
