he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
