Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
