I just made out with a guy for $7.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
