The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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