why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
