i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
