My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
