if i died would you start the facebook group?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
