I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
