I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
