It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
