Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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