how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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