I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Boobs are out for the taking
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
