DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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