Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
