My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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