some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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