I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
