well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
