So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
