the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
