My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
