You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
