you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
