I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
