we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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