I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize