just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
