Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
