This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize