I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
