i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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