porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
