im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize